Ask Joe Bob from Pretty Scary

WRITING - JBB @ Prettyscary.net

Dear Joe Bob,

My wife hates scary movies. I can't get enough of them, and I'm tired of her and her sister putting me down for watching them (like 'Marley and Me' and The 'Proposition' are Oscar contenders.) I really need to fix this problem, and I'm wondering since you've found a website of women who like horror movies if you have any suggestions about how I can change her into one of these girls...

What movies should I start out showing her? Maybe there's some immersion program I can send her to, like learning a foreign language? Or maybe I should just shut her pie hole with a gag, tie her up in the basement, and loop THE EXORCIST on the TV until she appreciates its genius?

Signed,
She's Tearing Me Apart


Dear Tearing:
Common problem, easy solution. One movie: Takashi Miike's "Audition." The first 30 minutes are like a Lifetime Movie of the Week, and the last hour is like a Lifetime Movie of the Week made by Aileen Wuornos. The disgusting "sisterhood" side of her will love the beginning, and then the side of her that wants to plunge sharp needles into your eyes will take over in Part 2. By the end of the flick, she'll be saying, "Are there any more movies like this?" Alas, the answer is no. Never tell her this.



Dear Joe Bob Briggs,

My girlfriend is a level 43 Hunter and I am a level 44 Druid. Sometimes, when we're out grinding mobs, I'll prowl in cat form so that my DPS can benefit from the surprise attacks that come from being in stealth; however, often when I do this, my hunter girlfriend will shoot my target, pulling the creature early and which makes it run out of my range, forcing me to drop stealth and chase after it. It's really annoying and she won't stop. Is there anything I can do to make my girlfriend play her class right?

Thank you!

Dear Druid:
I get variations on this problem all the time. What you need to do is get in your car, drive to the gf's house. (Do not call first.) Tell her you were thinking about her and just had to see her. When she lets you in, walk immediately to her computer and yank the wi-fi router out of the wall. Make her disengage and feign death to drop aggro. She'll never do it again.

 

PSS ... Want more of this kinda stuff?  Visit prettyscary.net and tell 'em Joe Bob sent ya.