The Beast Within (1982)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, I'm Joe Bob Briggs, between features here on Monster Vision, and you know what I always say is: Any movie that starts off with a woman being diddled by a giant katydid can't be all bad.

Of course, you know what I'm talkin about. I'm talkin about "The Beast Within," our second feature tonight. First we had violent attack cats. Now we've got mutant insect sex. And you know what happens when THAT happens, don't ya? Seventeen years later you get a mutant insect teenager, and if you don't watch that boy, he's gonna be sneakin out of the house, transformin into a cicada, and chewin clean through the spaghetti-strap T-shirts on old fat guys. The only thing that makes this movie different from your usual giant-katydid insect-sex classic is that THIS kid only eats people named KERWIN. Which is fine with me, because I used to know a guy named Kerwin, and he was one of those guys that, when he walked, both of his arms would swing in the same direction. I actually kinda enjoyed this picture, and I am NOT being cynical, like usual.

Let's take a look at those drive-in totals: Sixteen dead bodies. One dead dog. Neck-munching. Embalming needle through the chest. Electrocution. Disemboweling. Head rolls. Hand rolls. Three and a half stars. Check it out, and I'll be here a while longer to give you important biological info while you're watchin the flick.

[fading] You know, there have been times in my life when insect sex sounded pretty good. Shoot, now that I think about . . . let's not go down that road. It's not pretty.

Monster Vision
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7/26/96
"The Beast Within," Commercial Break 1 Joe Bob Briggs

"The Beast Within." This is one of those great flicks about evil southern towns. Where everybody knows the town secret, and they're so inbred that they all look like they have brain damage. I've BEEN to towns in Mississippi like that. Come to think of it, I have several relatives living in towns like that. Come to think of it, there IS this one secret that I can't talk about. Well, let's watch some more of the giant katydid movie, starring Ronny Cox and Bibi Besch, the husband and wife that just might have a son who's an insect.

[fading] Actually, there's this one guy in MY family . . . never mind.

Monster Vision
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7/26/96

"The Beast Within," Commercial Break 2 Joe Bob Briggs

Is it my imagination, or is there a little WEIRD SEX subplot going on here? Like the way the fat newspaper editor in the dirty T-shirt—the way he looked at Michael when he was fixing up that hamburger meat. And the way Amanda's pa got so jealous when he drove up in his pickup. There's no telling how much diddlin around is goin on in this town, and no tellin who's diddlin who, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Fortunately, the insect werewolf is on OUR side. Right?

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7/26/96

"The Beast Within, " Commercial Break 3 Joe Bob Briggs

The old embalming-needle-through-the-chest trick. See, I think they want us to THINK this is a werewolf movie, but we know that something is not too wolfy about him at this point. You know, I saw this flick when it first came out in the theater, and I seem to remember a little more slime glopola flying off of the screen. Has Ted been crackin down on us again? Are we hackin these babies up for Monster Vision? Come ooooon, it's 2 o'clock in the mornin', show us some innards the next time Michael goes psycho, how bout it?

[fading] Censorship in America. A national disgrace. I'm goin on "Nightline."

Monster Vision
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7/26/96

"The Beast Within," Commercial Break 5 Joe Bob Briggs

Gettin kinda interestin after the slow part in the middle. For those of you who care, "The Beast Within" was filmed in Raymond, Mississippi, which, if you know the state, is about 20 miles southwest of Jackson. Where they had the Civil War's Battle of Raymond. But the HOSPITAL scenes, like the one we just watched where he was yellin "Kill me Kill me Kill me," were all shot at this abandoned hospital in Jackson—the old Baptist Hospital, which was closed in 1975 and is REAL spooky. Lot of dead Babtist ghosts hangin around there, I guess. See, you watch Monster Vision, you learn this stuff. They don't tell you this stuff on Turner Classics. They tell you how Elizabeth Taylor got a hickey on her elbow in 1957. My buddy Robert Osborne, he knows all that stuff. That's why we don't let him come around here anymore.

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7/26/96

"The Beast Within," Commercial Break 6 Joe Bob Briggs

Was that a great transformation scene, or was that a great transformation scene? That one was as good as the one in "American Werewolf in London." And then that actor, Paul Clemens is his name, he SHEDS HIS SKIN. This last part makes sittin through the whole thing kinda worth it, doesn't it? But remember--the killer cicada with the vengeful brain of Billy Connors still has love for Amanda, who was last seen barrelin through a barricade on the highway.

[fading] Does that about sum it up? I thought so.

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7/26/96

"The Beast Within," Outro Joe Bob Briggs

So lemme get this straight. Lionel Kerwin put Billy Connors down in that cellar and fed him dead bodies to keep him alive, but one night he got out and raped Bibi Besch in the woods, and then seventeen years later Bibi Besch's son turns into a giant avenging cicada. But how does the cicada thing come into the picture? Why does he become a cicada? Did they explain that and I just missed it. You would think they would explain it, cause Tom Holland wrote the script, and Tom is a great horror writer. I'm gonna have to talk to that boy. Anyhow, that's it for Monster Vision tonight. I've just got time to tell you that next week we've got "The People Under the Stairs," by the great Wes Craven, followed by the classic "Swamp Thing," starring Adrienne Barbeau. Meanwhile, our quote for the day comes from my buddy Stephen King. Stephen said, "Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy—in a jar on my desk."
I'm Joe Bob Briggs, reminding you that the drive-in will never die.

Remember, he who dies with the most toys, is still dead.

Monster Vision TNT
7/26/96

"The Beast Within," Commercial Break 4 Joe Bob Briggs

That's the great character actor, R.G. Armstrong, by the way, as the doctor who gets attacked by Michael. Somethin about R.G., I always just LOVE his performances, no matter what he's doing. Why is Michael only killin guys named Kerwin, that's what I wanna know. Come on, maybe they'll tell us.

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Original Airdate:  7/26/96

"The Beast Within"