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Monstervision

The Fog (1980)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, Joe Bob Briggs here, with Monster Vision. Excuse me if I'm a little hacked off tonight. You might of heard about it.

They barred me.last week from the Putt-Putt miniature golf course on Coit Road for putting a two-foot dent in a baby elephant. It wasn't MY fault. Mavis Hunley kept knocking her ball into the decorative concrete jungle-swamp water garden.  And I told her, "Mavis, they got three-year-old kids that can hit the ball hard enough to get it up to the hole.

Read more: The Fog (1980)

 

The Beast Within (1982)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, I'm Joe Bob Briggs, between features here on Monster Vision, and you know what I always say is: Any movie that starts off with a woman being diddled by a giant katydid can't be all bad.

Of course, you know what I'm talkin about. I'm talkin about "The Beast Within," our second feature tonight. First we had violent attack cats. Now we've got mutant insect sex. And you know what happens when THAT happens, don't ya?

Read more: The Beast Within (1982)

 

The Hand

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, Joe Bob Briggs, world-famous drive-in movie critic.

Like I have to tell you. Actually, I'm the world's ONLY drive-in movie critic, but let's not dwell on it. Well, now that the story is out to the worldwide media that I've been hired by TNT to do Monster Vision ever Friday night, it's gotten a little wild around here. Reporters surge into the airport everywhere I stop, demanding interviews, snapping pictures, trying to pry into my private life. Unfortunately for them, I don't USE the airport.

Read more: The Hand

   

The Creeping Unknown

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision

Hey, I'm Joe Bob Briggs again, and you'll notice that this is the time of night when we switch from color to black and white, because a movie like "The Hand," we've gotta pay like, 40 bucks, every time we use that flick, and the one coming up is designed for late Friday night, when nobody will remember what they watched tomorrow morning, and so we pay ten bucks for this one.

Read more: The Creeping Unknown

 

Within the Rock (1996)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision


Yes, it's time for yet ANOTHER "Alien" rip-off here on "MonsterVision." How many of these have we had? Sixty-seven?

Read more: Within the Rock (1996)

   

Voodoo (1995)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision


I'm Joe Bob Briggs, TNT's resident April Fool, and tonight, Corey Feldman joins a fraternity that has some interesting hazing traditions, in "Voodoo."

Read more: Voodoo (1995)

 

Virtual Assassin (1995)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision


All right, we're half-way through the year 2000, and still no Y2K problems, right? Remember when nothing happened on New Year's Eve, and all the survival nuts said, "Well, the viruses are just DELAYED, that's all."

Read more: Virtual Assassin (1995)

   

Twins (1988)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision


Merry Christmas! Joe Bob Briggs, your Hollywood movie expert, and would somebody please play "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" one more time? The Mel Torme version?

Read more: Twins (1988)

 

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

TRANSCRIPTS - Monstervision


"Okay, I wanna let you know that we HAVE been listening to your requests for a Mark Hamill double-feature, as evidenced by next week's flicks: "The Guyver," where Mark turns into a big cockroach, and "Time Runner," where Mark REALLY wishes he'd sent George Lucas a nicer gift after they made "Star Wars." Now, who here watched "Twin Peaks" when it was on?

Read more: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)

   

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