Last Call

The Last Drive-In | Mutant New Year’s Resolutions

Let's make 2020 bloodier, breastier and beastier than ever.

Editors Note: Readers are advised that the opinions of guest writers on this website may occasionally diverge from the infallible wisdom of Joe Bob Briggs, and in such cases, Joe Bob cannot be held responsible for any resulting confusion, enlightenment, quantum entanglement, or existential crises. Enjoy.

Published December 31, 2019

It may go against the Mutant grain to make New Year’s resolutions. After all, we’ve seen enough slashers to know that long-range plans – especially amongst weed-smokin fornicators – may be ill advised. But what the hell. Here are a few promises we’re sure to keep in 2020. Now, grab a Lone Star, raise the hand you don’t diddle yourself with and repeat after us…

We WILL watch more horror!

Good stuff, bad stuff, in-between stuff. Grindhouse and art-house. Remakes and originals. Monsters, maniacs and mumblegore. And we’ll watch just like we drink: only when we’re by ourselves or with somebody – in person, on social media and with MutantFam every Friday night when, once again, The Last Drive-In Season 2 warps the airwaves with the incomparable sweetness of Blood, Breasts and Beasts as only Joe Bob and Darcy can deliver.

We WILL see Halloween 3 on The Last Drive-In.

If anyone can make it happen, our faithful Mail Girl can. If she can’t, there’s always that bootleg video of Tom Atkins beating Joe Bob’s ass.

We WILL live our Mutant Oath to the fullest.

Let’s be more drive-in-ier than ever before. That means being even less like other people – but respecting everyone ‘cause that’s what we do at this here trailer. We’ll be sicker, more disgusting and so far off the vomit meter we’ll break that sucker in two. And we’ll continue to party like jungle animals and boogey til we puke because the drive-in will never die.

Happy New Year Mutants! Let’s make some magic in 2020!

Gregory Motta

A man of many talents, most of which involve staring at screens for unhealthy periods of time. When he's not busy contributing to Joe Bob Briggs' web presence with code or pithy commentary, he helms Motta Industries Inc, a California based Web Development company. His writing style can best be described as "caffeinated stream of consciousness with a dash of existential dread."