Earth vs. the Spider
June 6, 2025, was a big night for the Mutant Family, when we got to celebrate the birth of a great American institution and a great American. That institution is the Drive-In and that person is our own Darcy the Mail Girl.
Like so many other cultural icons, there is some debate about the true origin of the Drive-In, but Joe Bob took his stand: the Drive-In was born in the city of Camden, New Jersey. And the father of the drive-in was Richard M. Hollingshead, Jr., who patented the technology that allowed Americans to see movies in the great outdoors as God intended.
To commemorate the occasion, Joe Bob went to the original site and did some archaeological exploration. He even found an artifact, an authentic Zippo Lighter. (Darcy argued that perhaps that lighter was left more recently, even a few weeks ago. JB would not stand for that bit of negativity.)
He argued that the lighter represented something bigger than a device for more quickly succumbing to lung cancer. It represents FREEDOM. People couldnโt smoke in a movie theater, but they could at the drive-in. People could eat any kind of food they wanted. They could talk. Couples couldโฆ Umโฆ express their affection.
Americans loved their cars and loved their movies. Hollingsheadโs genius was to bring the two together. (He may have also had a more personal reason for his interest in making a new way for people to go to the movies. His mother was not petite and wasnโt comfortable in a movie theater seat. She was comfortable in her car.)
Sadly, Hollingsheadโs drive-in didnโt last long, probably because he made a couple of crucial errors. One was to build his drive-in near an airport โ not ideal for sound quality. Also, he chose to edit movies for length in order to allow for more screenings. He put the best PR spin he could on the idea (โmovies without the boring partsโ), but it didnโt please people in the long run. So after a year and a half, he closed his theater.
But the idea took off.
In 1958, according to Joe Bobโs history lesson, there were over 6,000 drive-ins, and it was a peak time for American Freedom. Over the years, the popularity of the drive-in declined. Television was, no doubt, an important factor. Real estate prices also played a big role. The large tracts of suburban land where drive-ins were built could be sold to developers for a hefty profit.
But, as all Mutants know, the Drive-in Will Never Die.
The 2020s have given some boosts to the business. During the COVID pandemic, drive-ins were the only place many could go to the movies. Flea markets as a daytime business on drive-in properties made them more profitable. The Drive-In didnโt merely not die. Itโs thriving.
So, what movie would JB choose to represent the drive-in at its peak? Earth vs. the Spider (which was re-titled The Spider in response to the popularity of The Fly) was the perfect example. He explained that drive-ins back in the day had a hard time getting big-budget films from the studios, so they relied on low-budget flicks from independent filmmakers who made exploitation films โ often science fiction or horror.
One of the great pioneers was Bert I. Gordon, who worked with American International Pictures. He was the auteur who made such classics as King Dinosaur, The Amazing Colossal Man, The Food of the Gods, and tonightโs feature. Like much of Gordonโs work, The Spider was mocked on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Obviously, they donโt appreciate true cinema.
Joe Bob does, as he demonstrates with these drive-in totals:
Dark Match
Another epic celebration was in store for the night in honor of our beloved Darcy. (She was born on 6/6 at 6 am, confirming it was on 6-6-6.)
The LDI crew decorated with balloons and banners and brought out a cake with lighted candles. Darcy refused to blow them out, but poured Lone Star on the cake to douse the flames. (Joe Bob later argued that the beer made the vegan cake edible.)
Throughout the evening, celebrities appeared to give their birthday wishes to Darcy. One of the first was Miss Bobbie Phillips. Phillips is, like Darcy, a native of Charleston, West Virginia. She was an inspiration to Darcy when her dreams of being a marine biologist faded and a new dream of being a nekkid movie actress bloomed.
Some of the other luminaries who wished Darcy birthday wishes: David Arquette, Jill Schoelen, Barbara Compton, Chris Jericho, Linnea Quigley, Bill Moseley, Felissa Rose (noted mangled dick expert), Robin Sydney, and the great Svengoolie.
So what film for her celebration? Of course, itโs a film combining her two great loves, Horror and Wrestling. Darcy is, of course, a star by the ringside, rather like Jack Nicholson and the NBA.
When JB announced the film Dark Match, he seemed to think it was the only wrestling horror movie. Darcy pointed out that another option was Pro-Wrestlers Vs. Zombies, but the chosen film was made by writer/director Lowell Dean, the greatest film director from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Lowell is also the creator of another favorite of Darcyโs (and the Last Drive-In) โ the great Wolf Cop. Lowell discussed what led to him making a film about wrestling.
Heโd only been introduced to the sport fairly recently, and he fell in love with it. A particular inspiration was an annual event in Northern Alberta Canada called the Death Tour. Wrestlers tour in the farthest north rural parts of the nation. They sleep on gym floors and struggle to keep warm. Itโs quite the endurance event.
This film is about a dark (untelevised) match in a remote location in the dark of winter. (Originally, they had hoped to film during the summer, but it was probably fortuitous that scheduling the film to be made in winter created a much more sinister setting.)
Another thing that added to Darcyโs appreciation of the film is the presence of her friend Chris Jericho as the villain of the story. Darcy also loved that the protagonist of this wrestling story is a woman, Ayisha Issa as the fierce Miss Behave.
Because it was her birthday, Joe Bob entrusted Darcy with a solemn responsibility: reporting the Drive-In Totals:
For the first time ever, we present someone other than the great Joe Bob Briggs with the drive-in totals:
