Alright, folks, letโs break down the madness that unfolded on โThe Last Drive-In.โ This week, weโre diving deep into Joe Bobโs chat with the one and only Joe Lynch, director of the new flick โSuitable Flesh.โ Now, Iโm a humble staff writer. Still, Iโll do my best to capture the essence of this conversation without letting my own perversion shine through too brightly. Letโs get to it, shall we?
Our esteemed host, looking like he just escaped from a late-night shift at Miskatonic Medical School (minus the mustache), welcomed Joe Lynch to the show. Lynch, for those of you whoโve been living under a rock (or perhaps inside one; we donโt judge), is known for his work on โMayhem,โ his Twitter shenanigans, and his apparent inability to stay more than six feet away from Adam Green at any given time.
In his infinite wisdom, Joe Bob bestowed upon Lynch the title of โAdjunct Professor of Sex Educationโ for the evening. Itโs unclear whether this comes with tenure or just a lifetime supply of body oil, but either way, itโs quite the honor.
The conversation kicked off with Joe Bob pointing out that Lynchโs qualification for directing โSuitable Fleshโ seemed to be his inherent perversion. Lynch, ever the humble artiste, suggested that by that metric, he should have been a guest on the show many times before. Touchรฉ, sir. Touchรฉ.
As it turns out, โSuitable Fleshโ has quite the pedigree. Written by Dennis Paoli and initially set to be directed by the late great Stuart Gordon, this project had been floating around Hollywood for years. Many a producer and studio exec had balked at the idea, claiming it was too perverted and too sexy. Enter Joe Lynch, stage left, pants around his ankles, ready to green-light this bad boy faster than you can say โCthulhu fhtagn.โ
Lynch regaled us with the tale of how he came to be involved with the project. Picture it: pandemic lockdown, 2020. While the rest of us were perfecting our sourdough starters and pretending to write the Great American Novel, Lynch received an email from none other than Barbara Crampton. For those who arenโt up on your horror royalty, Crampton starred in Gordonโs โRe-Animatorโ and โFrom Beyond,โ and is generally considered horror genre royalty.
Crampton and Dennis Paoli sent Lynch the script for โThe Thing on the Doorstep,โ a project Gordon had been talking up at Mick Garrisโs infamous Masters of Horror dinners. Lynch, being the fanboy he is, was over the moon at the prospect of seeing another Stuart Gordon film come to life. Sadly, Gordon passed away in 2020, but his legacy lived on in this script.
Now, hereโs where things get interesting. The original Lovecraft story featured two men, but Lynch, ever the provocateur, suggested flipping the script and making it about two women instead. When Joe Bob asked if this was an attempt to be โwoke,โ Lynch responded with the kind of answer that makes us proud to be horror fans: โNo, I wanted to be dangerous again.โ
Lynch pointed out that in 1995, you couldโve made this flick with Michael Douglas, and it wouldโve been a box office bonanza. But in todayโs climate, youโve got to be more careful with how you approach things. So, in true horror fashion, Lynch decided to turn the whole thing upside down, reverse all the gender roles, and see what kind of beautiful chaos would ensue.
Barbara Cramptonโs initial response to this gender-swapping idea was a polite โWeโll get back to you,โ which in Hollywood speak usually means โNot a chance in hell, bucko.โ But Dennis Paoli, bless his twisted little heart, took the idea and ran with it. A few weeks later, he delivered a new draft that didnโt just change names from Daniel to Daniela and Edward to Elizabeth. No, sir. Paoli dove headfirst into the deep end, exploring themes of gender identity and fluid sexuality that opened up a whole new world of horrific possibilities.
Itโs worth noting that Crampton, who was initially just going to produce the film, couldnโt resist the siren call of the camera once the cast was in place. Can you blame her? When cosmic horror and gender-bending shenanigans are on the menu, who wouldnโt want a seat at that table?
Now, letโs take a moment to appreciate the beautiful irony of this situation. Here we have a Lovecraft story, originally penned by a man known for his, shall we say, problematic views on race and gender, being transformed into a progressive exploration of identity and sexuality. Itโs like using a Ouija board to contact the spirit of your racist grand pappy, only to have him come back and tell you heโs now running a diversity and inclusion seminar in the afterlife.
Lynchโs excitement about the project was palpable. He gushed about how it felt to be back in the Miskatonic world, playing in Lovecraftโs sandbox but with a modern twist that would make old H.P. spin in his grave fast enough to power a small New England town.
The conversation then veered into a discussion about the challenges of making provocative art in todayโs cultural climate. Lynch acknowledged the need to navigate the treacherous waters of โwokeโ culture while pushing boundaries and creating something truly dangerous and exciting. Itโs a delicate balance, like trying to perform brain surgery while riding a unicycle โ one wrong move, and youโre in for a world of hurt.
Whatโs particularly intriguing about this project is how it embodies the spirit of Stuart Gordonโs work while pushing it into new territory. Gordon never shied away from the grotesque or the taboo, and it seems Lynch is carrying that torch with gusto. By gender-swapping the main characters and diving deep into themes of identity and sexuality, โSuitable Fleshโ promises to be a mind-bending, body-horror extravaganza that would make Gordon proud.
As the interview wound down, it became clear that โSuitable Fleshโ isnโt just another horror movie. Itโs a love letter to Stuart Gordon, a middle finger to convention, and a cosmic horror trip that promises to titillate and terrify in equal measure. Itโs the kind of project that reminds us why we love horror in the first place โ its ability to push boundaries, challenge norms, and make us profoundly uncomfortable in the best possible way.
In conclusion, folks, if โSuitable Fleshโ is half as crazy as this interview suggests, weโre in for one hell of a ride. Itโs got everything a good drive-in movie needs: sex, violence, cosmic horror, and a healthy dose of gender-bending madness. Joe Lynch seems to be the perfect pervert to bring this vision to life, and we canโt wait to see what kind of beautiful abomination heโs created.
So, there you have it, mutants. Another installment of โLast Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggsโ is in the books. Remember, when the stars are right, and the Old Ones return, make sure youโre wearing your best lingerie. You never know when you might need to seduce an eldritch horror to save the world. Until next time, keep it weird, keep it wild, and always check under the bed for tentacles before you go to sleep.
This has been a report from the trenches of โThe Last Drive-In,โ where the beer is cold, the movies are hot, and the line between sanity and madness is blurrier than Joe Bobโs vision after a six-pack or two.
Over and out.
