Alright, folks, let’s break down the madness that unfolded on “The Last Drive-In.” This week, we’re diving deep into Joe Bob’s chat with the one and only Joe Lynch, director of the new flick “Suitable Flesh.” Now, I’m a humble staff writer. Still, I’ll do my best to capture the essence of this conversation without letting my own perversion shine through too brightly. Let’s get to it, shall we?
Our esteemed host, looking like he just escaped from a late-night shift at Miskatonic Medical School (minus the mustache), welcomed Joe Lynch to the show. Lynch, for those of you who’ve been living under a rock (or perhaps inside one; we don’t judge), is known for his work on “Mayhem,” his Twitter shenanigans, and his apparent inability to stay more than six feet away from Adam Green at any given time.
In his infinite wisdom, Joe Bob bestowed upon Lynch the title of “Adjunct Professor of Sex Education” for the evening. It’s unclear whether this comes with tenure or just a lifetime supply of body oil, but either way, it’s quite the honor.
The conversation kicked off with Joe Bob pointing out that Lynch’s qualification for directing “Suitable Flesh” seemed to be his inherent perversion. Lynch, ever the humble artiste, suggested that by that metric, he should have been a guest on the show many times before. Touché, sir. Touché.
As it turns out, “Suitable Flesh” has quite the pedigree. Written by Dennis Paoli and initially set to be directed by the late great Stuart Gordon, this project had been floating around Hollywood for years. Many a producer and studio exec had balked at the idea, claiming it was too perverted and too sexy. Enter Joe Lynch, stage left, pants around his ankles, ready to green-light this bad boy faster than you can say “Cthulhu fhtagn.”
Lynch regaled us with the tale of how he came to be involved with the project. Picture it: pandemic lockdown, 2020. While the rest of us were perfecting our sourdough starters and pretending to write the Great American Novel, Lynch received an email from none other than Barbara Crampton. For those who aren’t up on your horror royalty, Crampton starred in Gordon’s “Re-Animator” and “From Beyond,” and is generally considered horror genre royalty.
Crampton and Dennis Paoli sent Lynch the script for “The Thing on the Doorstep,” a project Gordon had been talking up at Mick Garris’s infamous Masters of Horror dinners. Lynch, being the fanboy he is, was over the moon at the prospect of seeing another Stuart Gordon film come to life. Sadly, Gordon passed away in 2020, but his legacy lived on in this script.
Now, here’s where things get interesting. The original Lovecraft story featured two men, but Lynch, ever the provocateur, suggested flipping the script and making it about two women instead. When Joe Bob asked if this was an attempt to be “woke,” Lynch responded with the kind of answer that makes us proud to be horror fans: “No, I wanted to be dangerous again.”
Lynch pointed out that in 1995, you could’ve made this flick with Michael Douglas, and it would’ve been a box office bonanza. But in today’s climate, you’ve got to be more careful with how you approach things. So, in true horror fashion, Lynch decided to turn the whole thing upside down, reverse all the gender roles, and see what kind of beautiful chaos would ensue.
Barbara Crampton’s initial response to this gender-swapping idea was a polite “We’ll get back to you,” which in Hollywood speak usually means “Not a chance in hell, bucko.” But Dennis Paoli, bless his twisted little heart, took the idea and ran with it. A few weeks later, he delivered a new draft that didn’t just change names from Daniel to Daniela and Edward to Elizabeth. No, sir. Paoli dove headfirst into the deep end, exploring themes of gender identity and fluid sexuality that opened up a whole new world of horrific possibilities.
It’s worth noting that Crampton, who was initially just going to produce the film, couldn’t resist the siren call of the camera once the cast was in place. Can you blame her? When cosmic horror and gender-bending shenanigans are on the menu, who wouldn’t want a seat at that table?
Now, let’s take a moment to appreciate the beautiful irony of this situation. Here we have a Lovecraft story, originally penned by a man known for his, shall we say, problematic views on race and gender, being transformed into a progressive exploration of identity and sexuality. It’s like using a Ouija board to contact the spirit of your racist grand pappy, only to have him come back and tell you he’s now running a diversity and inclusion seminar in the afterlife.
Lynch’s excitement about the project was palpable. He gushed about how it felt to be back in the Miskatonic world, playing in Lovecraft’s sandbox but with a modern twist that would make old H.P. spin in his grave fast enough to power a small New England town.
The conversation then veered into a discussion about the challenges of making provocative art in today’s cultural climate. Lynch acknowledged the need to navigate the treacherous waters of “woke” culture while pushing boundaries and creating something truly dangerous and exciting. It’s a delicate balance, like trying to perform brain surgery while riding a unicycle – one wrong move, and you’re in for a world of hurt.
What’s particularly intriguing about this project is how it embodies the spirit of Stuart Gordon’s work while pushing it into new territory. Gordon never shied away from the grotesque or the taboo, and it seems Lynch is carrying that torch with gusto. By gender-swapping the main characters and diving deep into themes of identity and sexuality, “Suitable Flesh” promises to be a mind-bending, body-horror extravaganza that would make Gordon proud.
As the interview wound down, it became clear that “Suitable Flesh” isn’t just another horror movie. It’s a love letter to Stuart Gordon, a middle finger to convention, and a cosmic horror trip that promises to titillate and terrify in equal measure. It’s the kind of project that reminds us why we love horror in the first place – its ability to push boundaries, challenge norms, and make us profoundly uncomfortable in the best possible way.
In conclusion, folks, if “Suitable Flesh” is half as crazy as this interview suggests, we’re in for one hell of a ride. It’s got everything a good drive-in movie needs: sex, violence, cosmic horror, and a healthy dose of gender-bending madness. Joe Lynch seems to be the perfect pervert to bring this vision to life, and we can’t wait to see what kind of beautiful abomination he’s created.
So, there you have it, mutants. Another installment of “Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs” is in the books. Remember, when the stars are right, and the Old Ones return, make sure you’re wearing your best lingerie. You never know when you might need to seduce an eldritch horror to save the world. Until next time, keep it weird, keep it wild, and always check under the bed for tentacles before you go to sleep.
This has been a report from the trenches of “The Last Drive-In,” where the beer is cold, the movies are hot, and the line between sanity and madness is blurrier than Joe Bob’s vision after a six-pack or two.
Over and out.
