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Joe Bob’s Ghoultide Get-Together

Editors Note:  Readers are advised that the opinions of guest writers on this website may occasionally diverge from the infallible wisdom of Joe Bob Briggs, and in such cases, Joe Bob cannot be held responsible for any resulting confusion, enlightenment, quantum entanglement, or existential crises.  Enjoy.

Art by T.J. Denton (@TDenton_1138 on Twitter and https://www.etsy.com/shop/DorkFairProductions?)

An all-time record of 24 things up for auction and a couple of Santa-oriented flicks helped make the latest holiday special a quite memorable outing for the crew on the Last Drive-In, and we’re hoping that the returns for the four worthy charities surpass the generosity shown in 2021.

And while some lucky Mutants will end up experiencing some memorable events with Joe Bob and Darcy (an AEW show, a visit to the TLDI set, dinner and even getting hitched by the Rev. JBB hisownself) by securing the highest bid or some neat-o items from the show, we all got a chance to assist the charities in our own way, be it through the purchase of special merch through FrightRags or a individual donation.

The deadline for bidding on the Valentine ceremony or to buy the merch from FrightRags has already passed, but there’s still time to help out either the March of Dimes, the Jeannette Rankin Foundation, the Thoroughbred Aftercare Alliance and the Motion Picture & Television Fund directly. We know that those paydays vary!

Here’s a list of the items still available (complete with shameless commercialism!):

Dinner with JB and Darcy at Cracker Barrel: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/dinner-at-cracker-barrel-joe-bob
AEW outing with JB and Darcy: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/got-aew-wrestling-show-darcy-joe
Visit to TLDI set: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/set-visit-two-see-live-taping-la
Joe Bob's Ghoultide Get-Together 1
The cursed Advent calendar: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/joe-bobs-advent-calendar
The Walkin Dead gift set: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/walking-dead-gift-set

I Spit on Your Grave gift set: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/autographed-i-spit-your-grave-gi

Darcy’s Elvira Applause sign: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/darcy-s-elvira-applause-sign

KNB effects pack: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/greg-nicotero-knb-efx-group-spec

Joe Bob’s Zombi 2 Blu-ray: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/autographed-out-print-zombi-2-bl

Walkin Dead crew jacket and book: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/walking-dead-final-season-crew

10 pieces of Darcy’s Tenebre wall are available!

Piece Uno, Piece Two-o, Piece Three-o, Piece Four-o, Piece Five-o, Piece Six-o, Piece Seven-o, Piece Eight-o, Piece Nine-o, Piece Ten-o.

Yuki’s satellite dish: 
https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/yuki-s-shudder-sattellite-dish
Joe Bob Drive-In Theater standee: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/vintage-joe-bob-promotional-stan
JBB Movie Channel poster: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/autographed-drive-theater-vintag

JBB Iron Joe Bob promo poster: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/autographed-iron-joe-bob-vintage

JBB and Darcy nutcrackers: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/joe-bob-darcy-nutcrackers
Autographed Yours Cruelly, Elvira book by Cassandra Peterson: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/autographed-copy-cassandra-peter
A personalized song by the Psychic Troubadour John Brennan: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/custom-personalized-song-written

Autographed Married, With Children script: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/autographed-married-children-scr

Joe Bob’s lawn chair: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/joe-bobs-lawn-chair
Joe Bob’s Western shirt: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/joe-bobs-western-shirt
Joe Bob and Yuki bolo ties: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/pair-joe-bobs-bolo-ties
Joe Bob’s Biedermeier golden pimp shoes: https://jbggt.betterworld.org/auctions/joe-bobs-ghoultide-get-together/items/joe-bob-s-biedermeier-golden-pim

As seen above, each of those items had their own little commercial, with JB channeling his own Billy Mays (or Ron Popeil if you remember that far back), Christian Dior and yes, even Michael Jordan, to add authenticity to the proceedings. Austin and Co. really outdid themselves!

We also learned a coupla things:

Remember that when you populate your Advent calendar next year – bit too late for that now — that staying within a strict budget per gift ($6) ensures that nobody’ll be disappointed.

Darcy can REALLY pick those Mola Ram-level letters. (Check out Indiana Jones’ second outing if you wanna see how that looks.)

The second flick was better than the first, with the non-sequential anthology A Christmas Horror Story getting the better four-star rating than the three given to the episodic and sleazy by-rote (if you’ve read any horror novels by British author James Herbert from the late 1970s, you’ll know what I mean) British horror flick Don’t Open Until Christmas.

Here are the totals for both:

Joe Bob's Ghoultide Get-Together 2
“Don’t Open Until Christmas”
Joe Bob's Ghoultide Get-Together 3
“A Christmas Horror Story”

Please excuse the goofiness of the GIFs — it’s my first time doing em. But I’m sure I’ll get better at them as time goes on!

All in all, a festive Ghoultide was had by one and all. And if that marriage auction is any indication, we might only have a couple of months until we reconvene in the usual – or is that unusual manner?

Have a great holiday season!

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