Art by T.J. Denton (@TDenton_1138 on Twitter,shop on Etsy)

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage

What do boxing matches and Giallo films have in common? Both feature black gloves and are bloody violent. 

Giallo Night on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs featured both those classic stylistic Italian flicks and a Battle Royale of Horror Loyalists on a vitally important topic.

Admittedly, it doesn’t take much to get horror fans fighting, and on this night, Joe Bob demonstrated (with a chart, of course) the top ten topics that bring horror fans to blows.

Topic 10 – “Jaws is not a horror movie”

Topic 9 – “Hereditary and Midsommar are REAL horror films” (Just the phrase “Elevated Horror” is enough to make some break out in hives)

Topic 8 – “The Remake is better” (Fans will note that few things get Joe Bob going as hard as when Darcy claims the 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre was bettered in the remake)

Topic 7 – “Gore is not required” (In fact, some will say, “What you don’t see is more powerful than what you see…” JB and D don’t see that at all)

Topic 6 –  “I love found footage film” 

Topic 5 –  “Slow burn always pays off better” (Darcy was burning at the very thought)

Topic 4 – “Cheap jumpscare” (Joe Bob and Darcy believe in Valuable jumpscares)

Topic 3 –  “CGI sucks” (Joe Bob argues he “wouldn’t want to live in a world without Sharknado.” Darcy responded with the indisputable fact that a practical effects Sharknado would be incredibly awesome) 

Topic 2 – “How is it possible?” (For example, timeline trouble. It can be safely said that logical consistency isn’t a high priority for our hosts)

Topic 1 – “Actually, he wasn’t the first…” 

Which brings us to the big fight of the evening. Who made the first true Giallo? 

First, we got educated: “Giallo” is the name given to the genre of highly stylized Italian thrillers featuring creative, bloody kills and most often a black-gloved killer revealed in the film’s closing moments.

Then, to settle this vital question, JB assembled a crack panel composed four horror experts. Not just that: Joe Bob insisted he had called in the four smartest people on the planet. Who am I to argue?

Two directors would be contenders for the crown of Father of the Giallo: Dario Argento (born in 1940), who directed the first featured film of the evening, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage; and Mario Bava (1914 – 1980) director of the second featured film of the evening, Blood and Black Lace. 

The evening’s guests forming Team Argento, arguing for Dario as the Pioneer of Giallo:

Claire Donner, online branch director of the Miskatonic Institute of Horror Studies. She is a critic and researcher focusing on horror, cult, and psychotronic cinema.

AND

Sam Zimmerman, producer of horror films and television. He is vice president of Programing and Acquisitions for the Shudder network.

The other guests formed Team Bravo, arguing for Mario as the Trailblazer of Giallo:

Troy Howarth is the author of 42 books, including The Haunted World of Mario Bava.

AND

Lars Nilsen is the programmer for the Austin Film Society and former programmer for Alamo Drafthouse.

Four experts, two teams, all looking to emerge victorious in the Battle of the Black Glove.

The battle raged throughout the first feature, but, of course, Joe Bob first had to give the Drive-In Totals for The Bird with the Crystal Plumage:

Blood and Black Lace

So, where did the term “Giallo” come from? Far be it from Joe Bob to let us wallow in ignorance! Before the second feature and the renewal of the battle, JB explained.

In the 1920s, a number of detective novels were imported to Italy from America, including the quite popular Philo Vance mysteries by S. S. Van Dine. These novels, along with mysteries written by many other American and English authors, were usually published with lurid yellow covers (which were almost always more lurid than the content of the actual book). 

“Giallo” means “yellow” in Italian, so the genre of films made in the 1960’s and ‘70’s from that kind of story took on that name. It should also be noted that just as the novels these films were based on came from other countries, the heroes of Giallo films were usually foreigners – Americans or Brits or even Germans.

Joe Bob assured us the rules of the competition were designed to get an utterly scientific, one hundred percent accurate answer to the question, “Who made the first Giallo?”

The evening was divided into a number of rounds, and each round covered a different topic: Cinematography, Music, Use of Color, Misogyny (there was a debate about whether these films mistreated women), Stupid Police, and a few others.

Team Argento argued that their guy made the more popular product. Team Bava countered that Argento did indeed make a “product.” Bava made art.

After the second feature, Joe Bob and Darcy did indeed crown a winner in this competition, and the question of the first Giallo auteur was answered in such a way that it will, of course, never be debated again. 

But I’m not going to spoil the results for you.

Instead, here are Joe Bob’s Drive-In Totals for the second feature, Blood and Black Lace: